Scars that don't heal

This was my first published poem and is included in my first book Damaged Merchandise.

 

In 1994, I surrendered to alcoholism. For the next two years I made amends and looked at my relationships.

After filing for a divorce, I casually dated and three different women shared with me the same belief. That they would rather be physically beaten instead of verbally abused.

Their reasoning was that over time, the scars from the physical abuse would heal - but those words said with an evil intent could last a lifetime...

One evening during the news,

I was shocked to see a young wife

she was beaten by her husband

her eyes black… her lips swollen

I wondered would she heal

I knew she was safe

the police… and the courts

would protect her

as I watched the screen

she cried and shook

and I wondered… would she ever heal

could she remember her wedding night

when her beau said… “I love you”

was it yesterday or an eternity

when he told her how beautiful she was

her battered face came to life

on the screen… I, too… started to cry

I wanted to hug her and comfort her

would this help her scars

what was said before she was beat

was she a whore… a slut… a cheat

shame sat in… as I realized “I’m sorry” wasn’t enough

weakness took over

realizing the pain of words spoken

and I wondered… would she ever heal

I don’t hit… nor own any guns

but I own a weapon far worse

words that come from me

with pain lasting longer than any hit

I think all will be well when… “I’m sorry”

comes after… “You’re useless”

“You’re a bitch” “I hate you”

I say with pride… I didn’t hit her

but the unknown scars run a lot deeper

living together is difficult

words become charged with threats and violence

my heart sinks deeper

the TV brings tears

I say… “I love you”

but the girl continues to cry

and I wondered… would she ever heal

that night… I kiss my wife

all was well and we were at peace

it was beautiful… it was magnificent

it was love

the mouth… and the tongue

can produce so much beauty

but as we hugged

I looked across the room

at a blackened TV set

realizing the evil that lurks within

and I wondered… would she ever heal