The Burning Bush - The Poem

sneaking into a dumpster
looking for yesterdays scraps
it's a matter of survival
food not found
but... a treasure awaits
beer for this alcoholic

pop the lid... raised the bottle
withdrawals... cold sweats
hell will shortly disappear
the aroma fills the air
approaching the lips
then... then time froze

behind the dumpster
a white... light... warm figure
palm's facing out
tears flowing from it
words flowed into the mind
"please no more"

bottle falling from hands
recovery started... glass smashing

More thoughts to ponder

"Oh Lord, I ain't what I want to be... Oh Lord, I ain't what I oughta be... Oh Lord, I ain't what I'm gonna be... But thanks, dear Lord, I ain't what I use to be..." - Heard at an AA meeting many years ago and  told it was
The Slaves Prayer

A busy mind, is a sick mind... A slow mind, is a healthy mind... A still mind, is a divine mind
- Native American Spiritual Centerness

A long timer once told me...
"If you don’t remember the consequences of your last drunk... then... maybe you haven’t had it yet."

Who's Eyeing Me?

Early in my recovery, I began a journey of looking at all the religions as well as the ancient mythologies.

As you can see, I have a very strong bond with the Native American beliefs, but before
that, I found a strong fascination with the Gods of Olympus.

The video is called Who's Eyeing Me? and it's a story of those gods and how they have
entered my life.

East vs West

There is so much joy to be found in learning the different ways the western world functions compared to the eastern world.

The images below are from the book Peeling The Sweet Onion by Martin Segal and gives the western view.  

                          
Then below is another image with thoughts by Vietnamese Reverend Tran Binh Trong.  

Some things to ponder

Mohandas K Gandhi once said,

"It is the duty of every cultured man and woman to read sympathetically the scriptures of the world. If we are to respect others' religions as we would have them respect our own, a friendly study of the world's religions is a sacred duty."


Confucius once said,

 "Do no harm to your neighbors, as you wish not to be harmed."  A political and social statement that almost 500 years later was changed to say,  "Love one another as I have loved you."  According to Jesus Christ this is the greatest commandment.  Said in many different ways, it is the belief for Love in this life, rewarding us with the Hope of eternal life.


Powerful Message... 

May I keep an open mind especially on spiritual matters, remembering that "spiritual" is a bigger word than religious."  I was born of the Spirit, but I was taught religion.  - From the meditation book A Day At A Time CompCare Publications


Seek those that search for the truth and run from those who have found it.  ~Anon

So Ill.. So Sick

so ill... so sick
spit in the mirror
at an image that won't go away
fell into a trap
thought it was love
just... dysfunctional needs

a need to feel power
to be in control
to be a hero... your hero
a show of strength
providing protection
from this evil world

a need for your acceptance
a wonderful high... your approval
over time... this need
needed more
more approval... more love
more acceptance

yet... got less
fantasies were lies
love was manipulation
to fulfill needs
dysfunctional needs
so ill... so sick

What Lies Within

No matter what our past is littered with or what our regrets are, it is what lies within that can fill our hearts and souls with love, peace, and serenity...

seeing the beauty of what lies within
a wonderful gift... given freely
to create... a song
thoughts flowing freely
in a dream like state
visualizing every image

deep in the soul are the words
that make a poem come alive
expressions flow freely
the pen scribbles thoughts
thoughts from dreams
dreams from another world

a world that is seen only by one
visions of love and empathy
thoughts that could never be spoken
fantasies of peace and serenity
that others couldn't comprehend
yet... it didn't matter

in song or in verse
the illusions came alive
the soul was shown
to all that listened
with the fantasy
that someday...
the illusion would be reality

Spirituality vs Religion

While many may believe that the two are one in the same.  I disagree.  You can be spiritual without being religious.  And you can also be religious without being spiritual.  Four quotes I've heard about the difference that I truly enjoy.

~ Religion is for people scared of going to hell, while spirituality
is for people who've been in hell. ~

~ Religion is man's search for a God. Spirituality is God's
search for a man. ~

~ Religion has torn the world apart.  Spirituality is teaching the
world to hold hands. ~

~ Religion is belief in someone else's experience.  Spirituality
is having your own experience. ~

Listening To Silence

Through the years, if you have read these pages, you have come to recognize that when I speak of Silence, I speak about my Higher Power. This deity does not need to constantly speak or be spoken about to be understood.

Whether you learned about your God through a book of religion or through word of mouth, that Being doesn’t constantly bombard you with the same message over and over again. We learn as children that stealing was wrong. Well, as a child I stole and I learned that those actions lead to serious consequences. The thing about it though, was I knew stealing was wrong, so I didn’t need to be told again how wrong it was. I had a choice and made it. Yes, it was the wrong choice but I made it and lived with it.

Silence taught me how to respect others and to love my neighbours. Yes, I read it in a book. Yet, it didn’t matter where the lesson was learned, all that mattered it was taught and didn’t need to be repeated over and over again.

I believe we learn when we are silent, not when we are talking. Not when we are belittling or knifing someone in the back. I was recently sent a video from a former place of employment. There was a mention about my job while I was employed there. I wasn’t mentioned specifically but I noticed that in the three years since I left, not one new product has been introduced. Granted, I know that some of these products were “reinvented” to fit in with a more greener-healthier generation than those of the past.

I know for awhile three people tried doing the job I did and was told by one how it had evolved into a circus. Much of nothing getting accomplished. They got to see first hand how much people criticized your work, yet to succeed, you needed to be silent, take mental notes and try again.

One of the biggest people to belittle me and stab me in the back was one of the people who tried to do the job I was doing. Karma is a bitch! It came back and stabbed that person in the back. That person got to hear the critiques and the ridicule of others and that person maybe listened but would have never remained silent.

Towards the end of my employment with that company I began to become bitter, mainly because of the lack of respect I was shown. I still listened to Silence and realized that I couldn’t change anything. I had no control and my voice had become silent due to the constant stabs in the back.

I do believe most of these stabbings were done because of insecurity and jealously. If these same people would have listened to the Silence, they would have realized that I wasn’t a threat. I wasn’t after their jobs or their place in the organization, I was just trying to carve out my own little place in that same company.

Sadly, I do feel a bit happy about what they went through. They learned what I went through with very little support from those I considered co-workers. Yet, today I listened to the Silence and realize that this Silence has filled me with love and respect. If not from others at least from myself.

Day One

We waited behind closed doors,
Not sure, what the future had in store.
In our silence,all we could do was think
It seemed like the walls,began to shrink
The doctor came in,
Joining my partner and me.
The results of the biopsy,
He'd let us see.
"It's cancer," is all he'd say.
I really don't remember,
Much else from that day.

He talked of a surgery - ASAP.
Then we'd know, what it'd take,
To be cancer-free.
Dreaded words - chemo and radiation,
I didn't want to hear.
Schedules being set,
For the rest of the year.
He talked of stages, and survival rates.
But he really wanted a commitment,
For a surgery date.

Only twenty minutes had past,
But our lives changed forever,
So very, very fast!
I sat numb and in shock,
Emotions were getting harder,
To keep under lock.
Tears broke free, like a stormy sea.
What would happen to my partner and me?

We left the clinic knowing,
The day was far from done.
The hard part was coming ...
Telling daughters and sons.
We realized more fears,
And got to see, a lot more tears.
We told the children,
The battle would be fought.
That we would survive ...
With faith, love and support!
Already drained, the battle begun,
Then we realized ... it was still ...
... Only ... Day One.


This poem is part of the Purple Power CD

Emotional Scars

The battles that I’ve fought
are pretty well known
documented in clinics
hospitals and ER’s
war wounds and scars
decorate my body
but some remain hidden
never seen except by a mirror
and… reluctantly…
by my lover

This conflict has left scars
the physical can be dealt with
but it’s the emotional I struggle to embrace
feelings of being less then whole
a sense of shame…
occupies my mind

Still learning an acceptance
for things I can not control
this is who I am
every scar… a little victory
every body part taken…
all done for a hatred of cancer
and a love for you…

Note - this poem is part of the Purple Power CD

Reliving My Early Fears

While my writings started long before my ex-wife Betty got cancer, it was her battle for life that changed my views of others. The thing that impressed me the most was the strength and courage all survivors have. This is a short story about those first couple of months, where we never really seemed to catch our breath. Everything happened so fast. And it never really slowed down for close to a year. It is an experience I'll never forget.

On her 40th birthday, she made a decision to start a regular program of annual check-ups. A mammogram and a pap smear would become part of this wellness check. She felt good after the first year showed that everything was fine. She had taken a step to be in charge of her life and as time would show it would be a wise choice.

As the second year rolled around she scheduled her appointments. The mammogram would take place on November 29th - her birthday. The pap smear would take place a couple of days later, where she would learn about the results of the mammogram.

At our clinic, our doctor told her that the radiologist had a concern about a lump deep in her breast. A normal biopsy wouldn't work and she would have to have it surgically removed. We talked to the surgeon and surgery was set for December 23, 1999.

As thoughts of Christmas approach, our thoughts were pre-occupied with the upcoming surgery. The 23rd finally came and I settled in the waiting room for the 45 minute surgery. The surgeon came in and told me everything went well and she should be back in her room within a half an hour. I asked him what he thought; he shook his head and said it didn't look good. I never told Betty about our conversation, not wanting to worry her and somehow hoping we could enjoy our Christmas together.

For the next six days we waited and I prayed a lot. Finally, the 29th arrived and we headed to the surgeon's office to get the results of the biopsy. We sat in a room for about five minutes, Betty and I not really saying much to each other. He finally came in, sat down, looked at Betty and said it’s cancer.

I tried to stay focused as he began talking about the plan of attack. A partial mastectomy would take place on January 3, 2000, then after some recovery time she would have radiation.

On the ride home, I was quiet and in shock. Already on that day, Betty was showing me the strength which would carry our whole family through this ordeal. It was her early strength that gave me the courage to realize that this fight wasn't just about me or her – it was about us.

Not only did our Christmas have a cloud over it, we were now ready to enter a new year, with an even bigger cloud. The 3rd arrived and I was prepared for another hour in the waiting room.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed outside for a quick smoke. I wasn't outside 10 minutes when a nurse came out and told me the surgeon needed to talk to me. Telling me to have a seat in the waiting room, she went to get the doctor. He came in and sat next to me. He said it was worse than he thought and I had to make a decision for her. He wanted to remove her whole breast. I didn't know what to say, Betty thought she would come out of surgery still pretty much in tact. I gave my permission and began to prepare for Betty in the recovery room and tell her about my decision. An hour and a half later surgery was complete and the surgeon said he didn't remove the breast - which he believed he got it all.

Three days later, we were back in his office and found out that he did not get it all that Betty's breast would have to be removed ASAP. Five days later, on the 11th, her breast was removed.

Again, three days later we sat in his office waiting to find out what would be next. He planned CT scans, MRIs, and bone scans to see how far the cancer had spread. Then in a couple of months, chemotherapy followed by radiation.

One final surgery would need to take place before chemotherapy started. Betty has really small veins, so she would need a catheter would have to be placed in a main vein, so the chemo wouldn't destroy her veins.

This was supposed to be a 15-20 minute surgery and a half-hour in recovery and out the door we go. Surgery was scheduled for February 7th. Our minds were elsewhere that week and didn't give much thought to this surgery. We took it for granted. I was still in the waiting room an hour later, when the surgeon finally came in and said it was more difficult then he thought it would be.

I went to Betty's room and watched her. Something wasn't right and the three nurses that were in the room knew it. One left the room and got some more help and a doctor. I sat and watch as Betty went from sitting to laying back, her eyes closing and as I looked at the machine showing her vitals, everything flatlined.

She would return to us a few seconds later. That day I learned that there is no such thing as a simple surgery. Nothing can be taken for granted. What we thought would be an hour in the hospital, ended up being three days as Betty was moved to ICU.

Not only would we fight cancer, but that day I realized that cancer would fight us. There would be more trying days ahead, but those 20 seconds of being a widower - prepared me to expect the unexpected.

The Lap

The first lap at any Relay For Life event is for the survivors. Inspiration built out of tragedy!

For the majority of women, shaving their legs is a job, they probably would not like to have. For my ex-wife, Betty and me, it was a day of celebration. It was the first time in well over a year that there was any hair on her body. It was proof that the effects of chemotherapy and radiation were leaving her body. In November of 1999 she had a mammogram. It came back positive for breast cancer.

For the next year and a half, our lives, as well as our four children's lives, revolved around clinics and hospitals. Meeting many different doctors and nurses, each one, showed a unique form of caring and a loving concern for Betty. Four surgeries, eight different rounds of chemo, and thirty straight days of radiation, showed her strength and her will to live. I don't believe it was fear of death that kept her going, it was a will to live for me. It was a will to live for her children. It was a motherly belief that her children still needed her. It was a believe that she wasn't done raising her children. All of us share a lifetime of memories and we pray, for a lifetime of future memories!

Watching her shave her legs, brought a smile to her face and a tear to mine. Our hopes and prayers might still be recognized! Her long red hair, which disappeared first, came back shorter, thicker, and had a wave to it. As time went on, we began to get involved in a small way with different cancer events. My favourite, is the annual Relay For Life. Because, its was a chance for me to cheer for her and many other survivors, as they are honoured on the first lap. The one that was the most emotional happened at Haymarket Park, in Lincoln. A brand new baseball park, which in 2001, also became the home for the Lancaster County Relay For Life.

The survivors stood in a line, underneath an archway of balloons, ready to start their lap, along the right field line. Led by children, these people, men and women, of different ages and different backgrounds, would follow the concourse, around the park, listening to the cheers honouring them! My youngest daughter, Lisa and I, stood by first base and started clapping. It seemed like we were the only ones doing it. But as the walk progressed, the claps got a little louder. We continued to clap as they reached center field and the applause continued to grow. By the time they reached left field, the stadium became alive! As they headed toward the infield, the place was rocking! The echoes of the cheers bounced around the ballpark. Better then any homerun, because there was no losing team. These survivors were all winners, and everyone there, was proud to be a part of their team.

Haunted Houses

Within the past year I have watch two horror shows about haunted houses. One was, The Haunting Of Hill House and the other was The House On Haunted Hill. Part of the idea behind both films is that the houses were alive. The Haunting had some good “lives” in it, that made a tree house for a little boy. It created little sanctuaries for a girl to have tea parties. Yet, the house also had evil lives.

That little boy with the tree house? He also had a faceless man, who floated three feet above the ground, with a cane, who followed him everywhere. The symbolism of this little boy’s story was quite powerful. In adult life, this boy became an alcoholic/addict. That ghost who followed him? Was his addictions… his crutch (cane) on life.

The little girl who had little tea parties (with a dead little girl’s ghost), briefly died because of poison in her tea. Years later as an adult she described what she saw in the afterlife. Nothing. A grayish black space in time, where she couldn’t see anything or feel anything. Nothing was alive.

This story of her death hit home with me. It reminded me of my suicide attempt and was an exact description of what I saw and felt. Except with one added element. My parents. As I tried to see in that grayish black void, I could barely see my mom’s hands pushing me away. She was sobbing and saying, “Noooooooo… not now.” In the background was my dad, yelling in my mom’s ear and pointing at me. “I told you he was worthless… this is your fault.”

It was from this attempt that suicide never entered my mind again. That suicide attempt took place in the little town of Tamora, Nebraska. The house I lived in was pure evil. Like my childhood house, the man of the house was evil. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, you name it… there was evil.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming that house for my actions. Or the actions of my parents on my childhood home. I am saying that when a house experiences evil, it never leaves. The evil lives in those walls for all eternity.

I saw my mom bleeding from wounds inflicted by my father. That was over 50 years ago, but the memory is still there. And somewhere in that house is a drop of blood that was never found. Somewhere on a heating pipe in the basement is some of my mom’s skin from a burn on her leg.

Did the next owners of that home experience the evil that lurked within? I don’t know, even if it has been a perfectly peaceful residence, those walls will always have a touch of evil within them.

What is important for a person who has lived in an evil house is not to forget it. You can forgive the evil, but you shouldn’t forget it. I tried to forget it and it didn’t work. I became an alcoholic and just as abusive as my father.

By letting go of the secrets, the power of the past is defeated and evil dies. My evil died when I quit drinking. And then the shame of my actions began to lessen when I realized that the evil I did when I drank was not present in my sober life.

The evil I did will live forever in the walls of the homes I lived in. Those homes, like my own, are deep in our minds, no longer buried, no longer hiding. They are right next to me. They remind me how easy evil can come alive when I drink. And those memories have kept me sober for over a quarter of a century.

What Is Truth?

The 10^th promise of Debtors Anonymous says that we will no longer fear the truth; we will move from hiding in denial to living in reality.

What Is Truth?

Truth? The truth is I’m OK

My tummy is full

The heat is on and a hot bath awaits

But what if things aren’t as they appear?

Blasphemy! I’m OK

What if the mail hasn’t been open in months?

What if the credit cards are maxed?

What if I’m broke the day I’m paid?

What if the tummy, the heat, the bath is a lie?

What if I’m not OK?

So much fear to look at reality

Rather live in denial

It’s a truth I can live with

No need to bury my head

The illusion keeps me content

Over time denial is harder to obtain

Reality won’t let go

It won’t let me sleep

The phone is ringing

Collectors at the door

With a deep breath and full of fear

Step foot into a future based on reality

A reality that says I’m not OK

I’m broke and scared

And I want security

I want I real home

I want a real life

Not based on shows or illusions

Rather based on comfort and freedom

Starting with freedom from debt

10th Promise of DA

The 10^th promise of Debtors Anonymous says that we will no longer fear the truth; we will move from hiding in denial to living in reality.

Like an ostrich I buried my head in the sand when it came to debt. I had an addiction with money. If I didn’t have the cash then I used credit cards or wrote checks. I believed that if I had a blank check than I had money. It didn’t matter how much (or how little) money I had in the bank, if I had a blank check then I had a bottomless pit of money.

It got to a point that I never had cash because with every payday I had to deposit all the money into my account just to cover checks that were written. I got to the point that I was broke as soon as I got paid.

Being broke leads to many creative ways to make money. The easy way is to have garage sales or pawn your possessions, which helps for awhile. Then what? That is where the creativity came into play. I knew some people who did handyman work for cash. Others who did car repairs. Everything was done for cash. And I even knew others who gave sexual favours for money. I won’t say that I did all of these things, but I did most and considered other opportunities. The fact of the matter is when you’re broke you’ll do anything to get a little money.

My own ingenuity led me to the idea of a personal ponzy scheme. I had one bank account that had no money in it, with loads of bad checks written on it, so what was the solution? To open a new account at another bank! In my own insanity this idea was perfectly logical. With this new account I could have some cash, keep some in the bank and pay some to the other bank to eventually pay off all the bounced checks. It worked for a very little short time then I started bouncing checks on the new account. So I would run up the amount as high as I could then go back to my original bank.

This worked for six months or so. I never really had any money. I just used the banks money to live a lifestyle that was destructive and insane. Until my paycheck couldn’t cover the amount owed to both banks. It was there that reality set in.

I knew I was broke but I had no idea how broke. I knew I had bad checks but I had no idea of the amount owed. I knew I owed on a half dozen credit cards but I had no idea of the amount owed. It was a very fearful day when I sat down with a pen and paper and began writing everything down. I started with the accounts I could get on-line, then I started opening letters. Letters that hadn’t been opened in months. A stack at least a foot tall.

Every time I picked up a letter, I wanted to drop it and run away. I didn’t want to know the amount I owed because I didn’t have the money to pay anyone. When I was done and figured out the amount, I was shocked. Pleasantly shocked! Yes, I owed a lot of money but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. If I changed my lifestyle and actually worked on this, I could get out of debt. There was no doubt in my mind that I could do this.

Fear and denial kept me a prisoner for so long. Not only was I financially broke but I was spiritually broke as well. The reality was that I wasn’t a bad person. I made bad choices but I wasn’t a bad person. The reality was that I could and would get out of debt… one baby step at a time. I needed to remember I didn’t get into debt overnight and I wouldn’t get out of debt overnight.

Too Many Enemies

Their are people who treat me like my last drink was yesterday.  These people expect me to beg for forgiveness for the rest of my life.  I don't mean to sound cold, but I asked many years ago and it wasn't accepted.  I acknowledged their pain - the pain that I inflicted - what else is expected of me?
I've never expected anyone to forget my past.  There was a lot of damage and a lot of hurt.  But the worst thing for an alcoholic is to dwell on the past.  I never want to forget it - I don't want history to repeat itself - but I can't live in the past either.  I've tried my best to move on, but some will always see me as just a sick drunk.

 

Too many enemies

time goes to fast…
yet… now it moves to slow
no happy medium
and the time runs out

just waiting… waiting…
for a ray of hope
a light in the tunnel
that is still pitch black

hard to keep faith
hard to move forward
when surrounded by doubt and fear
more then just paranoia

walls continue to cave in
finding strength… gets harder
securing answers
with still more questions

is failure part of destiny
or the creation of a new hell
built on false pride and denial
a journey of pain

can not accept the easy way
martyrdom a strong badge
difficult to cut free
but… why

A Score And A Little More

The 4th of September 1994 I quit drinking.  I admitted and finally accepted that I am an alcoholic.  The poem this month is a celebration of 24 years of sobriety.  This poem was written by playing around with words and thoughts from Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

 

A Score And A Little More

Lincoln once spoke of scores and years

today I speak of one score and four years ago

on this formally broken psyche

a new constitution was born

conceived in freedom and liberty

with the proposition that life without alcohol can endure

the self inflicted civil war is over

the battlefield of the mind has been laid to rest

the soul… alive and free

free from despair and self-harm

free to achieve dreams

free to realize that all things are possible

today I can not dedicate…

nor consecrate this event in time

instead I give thanks to those who came before me

I give thanks to a fellowship that accepted me

and I give thanks to a Higher Power that never left me

Enjoy the process

September is upon us, which means it’s the start of football season. Football (soccer) in England started the second weekend in August, now for this American, real football starts the first day of September. And for me, that means Iowa State University will be taking the field against South Dakota State.

For so many years I sat back with a silent hope that this year it would be different. That Iowa State (the Cyclones) would be better than last year. Then by the end of the year they would be lucky to have won three games. Three wins and nine loses was a good year. Then 2017 happened. The Cyclones beat the number 3 team in the nation – Oklahoma. They followed that up with a win against the number 4 team in the nation – TCU. To say it was good year was an understatement. They won 8 games while losing 5. Those 8 wins equalled the total wins for the previous three seasons. As an Iowa State fan, to say I’m excited for this year would be an understatement.

What is impressive with Iowa State is that they don’t get the best high school athletes. The five star studs don’t want to go to a school that doesn’t have an impressive history of winning games or going to major bowls. The coaching staff have to evaluate talent that others don’t see. To put it simply, they need to find diamonds in the rough.

More impressive than the wins has been the “process” to get to this point. I put process in quotes because their coach speaks about it often. The idea is if you work the process, if you love the process, than the process will love you. What is the process? The team has another slogan they use. Win in the dark.

The idea being that when the lights are out and no one is watching is when the process starts. As players, they need to eat right, get the right amount of sleep, lift weights, run, and stay in shape. The process also means being a good student. Every phase of your life must be part of the process. It must be clean, it must be pure. When this is accomplished then playing football becomes part of the process. Then when they are out in the lights and their fans are cheering them on, they become one, not only with the process, but also with each other.

They know what they should do. They are not expected to grow from a three star player to a five star player. They are expected to be the best three star player they can be and to trust that their three star teammate is also being the best they can be.

What works for a team can also work in our personal lives. It can work with our jobs and our co-workers. Everyone has a personal responsibility to their team. Good work, good ethics, good morals, and a good trusting teammate. They accomplish that then they become one with the process. In reality, the process works with every aspect of our lives. Your workmates, your family… we all need to work together, to trust each other and to love each other, so we too, can become one with the process…

The narcissistic bully

Have you ever met a person who shows superficial charm, has an overinflated self-worth, is a pathological liar, as well as a con artist? These people show no remorse, have a parasitic lifestyle, and fail to accept responsibility for their own actions. If you have met someone like this then you have met a sociopath.

How about a person who has a grandiose sense of self-importance and has fantasies that they are famous? They are sure they’re unique and special, while from their family and co-workers they require absolute devotion and admiration. They have a total sense of entitlement and can not show empathy. If you have met these folks than you have met a narcissist.

Combine the two and you have a narcissistic sociopath. A person incapable of change.

The narcissistic bully

a behaviour can be changed

a behaviour can be improved

from anti-social to social

a hoodlum from the past

becoming a friend of today

a lifetime to develop a personality

not always improved

not always changed

what you see is what you get

sometimes a friend… sometimes a bully

the friend thinks of others

the friend shows empathy

the friend listens more than talks

grateful to see the friend

grateful to be a friend

the bully thinks of me-me-me

the bully don’t care

the bully talks and shuts others down

anger fills the bully

disgust fills others

confrontation doesn’t always bring rewards

the bully becomes the victim

from look at me-me-me

it goes to poor me-me-me

no remorse… no regrets

ok for a day… a week… a month

yet no permanent change

the anti social personality returns

the narcissist lives on

the sociopath stays strong

easier said than done

ignore… don’t chat… walk away

don’t give the narcissist power

on their pedestal they live with drama

they don’t care about you… walk away

the sociopath don’t care

no remorse… no shame… no guilt

the narcissist says look at me

no time for you… all me-me-me

do you really need the grief?