22 July 2017

A Walk To Work

19 July 2017

No Longer Filled With Fear

The second promise of Debtors Anonymous states that clarity will replace vagueness. Confidence and intuition will replace confusion and chaos. We will live engaged lives, make decisions that best meet our needs, and become the people we were meant to be.

No longer filled with fear

Had one… needed ten
had two… needed ten
had three… needed ten
shit, back to two… need ten
never have enough
can’t save… need to spend

nothing of value to sell
except… except… no… can’t
what to do… no plan
pure chaos… just insane
borrow money to pay bills
a decision with no goal

bite the bullet… quit the spending
quit the thoughts of selling one’s soul
park the car and walk
brown bags replace two martini lunches
rabbit ears replace cable tv
cell phone replaced with a trac phone

it’s nothing more than short term pain
for a future with long term gains
no more nasty phone calls or threatening mail
debt replaced with savings
holidays no longer wasted in front of the tv
rather soaking up the sun by the sea

no longer begging for more time
no longer pleading for more money
no longer sleepless nights
no longer days filled with fear
today the sun will shine
financially all is fine

18 July 2017

The Second Promise of Debtors Anonymous

The second promise of DA says that clarity will replace vagueness. Confidence and intuition will replace confusion and chaos. We will live engaged lives, make decisions that best meet our needs, and become the people we were meant to be.

I used to hate the question “When?” When will you pay? When will the payment be made? When will you put it in the mail? I hated it. I also hated lying, which made this question even harder. I had no idea how to answer that question honestly. I would be broke before I got paid, so how could I honestly tell you when I could pay?

I hated when the ex-wife or the kids needed to go to the doctor because I was always two or three months behind with payments I promised to pay the last time they asked me “When?” I hated when a dog or cat got sick because I had no money to take them to the vets and had run out of goodwill with them.

It was chaos. There was never a plan on how to achieve simple goals. An example would be to answer the simple question “When” honestly and to be able to meet those deadlines.

The shameful and embarrassing answer came when I was 52 years old. While friends were starting to finalize their plans for retirement, I was still just trying to survive paycheck to paycheck.

I started the long climb out of a financial hell hole by getting a divorce and moving into a cockroach ridden apartment. I slept on the floor of my furnitureless home. My landlord did give me an old couch and I had a computer desk and chair and that was it. The first month all I ate was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, hot dogs, and cheese sandwiches.

It was hard, yet it was a beginning. I was finally starting to work on my retirement plans. And step one of that plan was getting out of debt. Long story short, this plan worked. It took nearly four years by living frugally and cutting down on my expenses but I did get out of debt and along the way I was even able to save some money.

Confusion left and was replaced with confidence. And along the way I got an intuition as to when to make my payments and when to save money. The plan included paying myself first before anyone else. And while the plan was to save 10% of every paycheck, I always tried to save more which is where I juggled money7 and learned how to pay bills ontime, yet only after I was paid first.

I’ve been out of debt now for over three years. The freedom it brings physically and emotionally can not be beat. I no longer dread the mornings, nor do I have sleepless nights. I’m still trying to figure out who I was meant to be, yet I have figured out that part of it is enjoying life, with what I have and being content with the money I earn and not needing extra “frills” by going into debt.

11 June 2017

Tears of Failure... Tears of Success

The first promise of debtors anonymous states that where we once felt despair, we will experience a new found hope.

Tears of Failure… Tears of Success

there is no end in sight
a life of debt I don’t want to fight
no loans available for me
a future I can not see

can’t answer the phone
hide in the dark… all alone
no longer open the mail
this life I have failed

no credit left… no cash in hand
soon be homeless… living off the land
everyday full of fear… just want to cry
at times… wish God would let me die

wasn’t long ago I lived that life of fear
I really thought it would be a lifelong career
credit was maxed then came the crash
I had to learn to live strictly with cash

little goals made and a budget was set
in time… these little goals were met
this new life offered me some pride
no longer did I run and hide

living a life of being debt free
the future is bright… just look and see
plans to travel and do lots more
cash in hand… off to the store

no longer an illusion or a fantasy
yes… I can live debt free
to have control of money in hand
instead of it slipping through it like sand

working for money is no way to be free
money working for me is the goal to see

08 June 2017

First Promise of DA

The first promise of debtors anonymous states that “Where we once felt despair, we will experience a new found hope.”

Being in debt can become a way of life with no plans of escape. Get a loan that only has a monthly payment of $30. Get a credit card that gives you a $2,000 credit limit and only wants $15 a month. I can do that! What a great way to get that new stereo!!! Then in the mail came an offer for another credit card. Let’s get it!!! Another $2,000 and again only $15 a month paying it back. This is the life! This wonderful life of credit fulfils my needs. I look at it as a second source of income. Along with my weekly paycheck and this credit line I have more money than I know what to do with.

Then it happened. The bills came. Four credit card payments of $15 each. The bank loan is another $30. $90 gone. I still have to pay the electric bill and get gas for the car. Thankfully, rent isn’t till next paycheck. I should be alright. In fact, I’ll have at least $15 back in the credit cards that I can use. Wait a minute. I checked on-line and it shows I only paid $5 on each of the cards. Where is the rest of the money? Interest? No one ever mention interest.

How did this happen? I’m broke. Wait, I have an idea. I’ll apply for a new credit card, that will solve my problems. I got them so easily in the past… but now… no one wants to give me one.

This is how I lived for nearly twenty years. One crisis to the next. One wage garnishment to the next. The anxiety when the phone rang. Mail that was never opened. It was a horrible way to live and the worst part about it all was I couldn’t see any other way of living. I was in debt and I would stay in debt till the day I die.

The simple fact is we can get out of debt. Throw away the excuses. Throw away what you think you need because most of it is just wants. Quit eating out. Start walking instead of driving. Shut off the clothes dryer and use the clothes line. There are so many ways to cut down on expenses, yet I’ll be the first to admit it ain’t easy. And most importantly do not use any credit cards at all. Live with cash and only cash. Again, it’s not easy but the rewards are wonderful.

Imagine a life where the phone isn’t the enemy. Imagine the joy of opening the mail with no paranoia about bill collectors. And the real joy of being in control of your own future. For me, it got to the point that I was tired of working for money. I wanted money to work for me.

Seven years ago I was over $65,000 in debt. It took three years to get out of debt and now for the last four years I have remained debt free. The future is full of dreams. They’re not just fantasies, they can be achieved because I am debt free. If I can do it anyone can. It really is simple… yet it isn’t easy.

Start today. No credit, no new debt. Live only with the cash you have and nothing else. When you succeed you’ll look back with pride knowing how strong (spiritually and emotionally) you were to reach this goal. The goal of being debt free.

14 May 2017

What If?

Step 12 of ACOA says that after having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Recently someone asked me if I could go through life again what one thing would I change.  Without hesitation my response was "my parents."  That is the only way I would want to relive my life.  Any other change would mean reliving that hell once again and I couldn't do that to myself another time...

This is the idea behind the poem What If?


What If?

Oh what a change
mom helped me with homework
dad played catch with me
quiet and peaceful at nights

a family that never was
a family just in the mind
no booze… no eggshells to walk on
no fights… no black eyes

a fantasy? sadly… yes
at least for this child
a child who sees only pain
a child who hears only screams

please dad succeed with suicide
please mom stay drunk and sleep forever
those moments of silence… pure heaven
those moments of peace… to few and rare

a home stinking of scotch and beer
a bed occupied by more than a child
a lonely life where no one is trusted
and at times… death would be welcomed

to do this life again with different parents
could it be worse? don’t know how
saw blood and burns… black eyes too
suicidal hangings and threats with butcher knives

it’s ok to say the childhood was bad
it was beyond bad… it was a holocaust
spiritual death where a child died slowly
everyday saw a new way to be tortured