18 February 2012
I think I found her....
I have been going through what seems like hell lately. Utter hell. Have been really battered by life it seems.
Yet, in the midst of it all, I think a miracle has occurred. I have found my inner 'Snowdrop'. I was never one for believing in all that 'take care of your inner child' stuff. Frankly, just hearing the words used to make me feel a little nauseous.
However during what has been a hellish time and when I was feeling utterly drained, exhausted and as if I had nothing left to give, and was at a loss at what to do or how to get out of the deep chasm of desperation and no hope, a friend pointed out to me that my duty is to take care of 'inner Snowie' and protect her....nobody else ever had done or is going to. He urged me to take a hold of her hand and comfort and protect her. Having nowhere else to go mentally, I thought why not try and take what has been suggested on board?
I believe that a miracle has occurred. My HP has touched me very powerfully. I tried imagining her and I can see little 'Snowie' very clearly and she is lovely, sweet, kind and the most beautiful little soul. Yes, her little face looks so sad and Oh! so worried and laden down for her age but I LOVE HER and she will be OK now. I have NEVER been able to love myself. I have mostly felt disdain for myself and hated myself. (I know! Criticizing God's handiwork!) But I now feel love for her. I am from here on in going to protect her and be gentle with her.
She is sweet, innocent and very loving. I am going to treasure her.
I never expected to feel what many others have described - but I do feel it. It is very powerful. I may not feel it every day but to even have had a glimpse is incredible. I know it can happen. I have felt it. I felt a kind of peace I have never felt before even amidst all the current hell.
I am going to hold her hand for always.