30 July 2011

The Law Of Forms

The Laws of Forms states that the most constant thing in life is change and our resistance to it.

I have battled change my whole life. Even though analytically I might understand that the change needed is for my own well being I will still try and make the change without really changing anything. An example with me has been my marriages.

My first marriage I was an out of control drunk. No way to sugar coat it... I lived and died for booze... everything else and everyone else took a backseat. When I admitted to being an alcoholic, my family was in ruins. It was destroyed. I tried everything to keep our family alive. For over five years I stayed sober and worked my hardest to correct the damage I had created. But while I changed, everyone else stayed the same. All the fingers still pointed at me. I was still being blamed for everything that went wrong in our marriage.

My ex-wife and the step-kids wanted nothing to do with how they may have been damaged or what they should do to improve their own lives. Towards the end of it all, the ex would leave home and not return for a couple of days. She had affairs and had me doubting why I ever quit drinking. Finally those doubts won out and I picked up a bottle and got drunk... and stayed drunk.

The insane part of it all was that as soon as I started drinking again, the ex became the model wife. No longer did she have to create problems. I was drinking again so all was right in her world.

I drank for two years and totally destroyed everything I had accomplished with five years of sobriety. When the reality sat in again, that I was an alcoholic, this time I knew that I had to change and that meant changing on my own.

My first sobriety taught me I couldn't stay sober married to that lady... so I had to face my fears and face “The Law of Forms” and change. And that change meant a divorce.

Painful? Yes. It was also life saving because facing that change has opened so many doors for me and has presented me with so many opportunities to live the life that God wanted me to live.

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