IT is winning

My number one demon in my life I call - IT.  If I don't watch IT then IT will be in charge.  With sobriety, I've learned to manage IT by accepting IT and realizing that I have the power to stop IT.

It won’t leave me alone
at times, I know It is winning
winning a battle for normalcy
It is depression and futility
It is despair and remorse
It remembers the past
and It won’t let me forget
old messages replayed in the mind
old images seen still fresh and new
yeah, It is winning

It knows what buttons to push
It steals my dreams
and buries my hopes
It makes me forget the accomplishments
It owns a world of regret and sorrow
It is a past that won’t let go
It is a shame that can’t be released

Today, like everyday a battle is fought
and I pray I won’t surrender
the journey has been long
the path has been set
just for today
I’ll remember the dreams
and renew the hope
for a serene tomorrow

There is no rest
It won’t leave me alone
for now It is content
watching me struggle
trying to erase images and voices
from a past best – forgiven

Yeah, It won’t leave me alone
It offers a sick sense of comfort
but dreams offer a challenge
to a life not yet known
where the hope is…
It won’t survive