01 May 2014

So Many Nightmares... So Little Sleep

We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.

So Many Nightmares... So Little Sleep

Sleep never came easily
to much noise... to much silence
the yelling... screaming... fear when the eyes closed
then... eyes wide open... could hear a pin drop

across the hall... I heard you both
the brutality of love... is this what I had to look forward to?
the word “no” had no meaning
a punch quickly made “no” become “yes”

then those insane drunken nights
nights that I was to ashamed to about
nights that ruled my life
a rage filled life with no trust for anyone

a child receptacle... and... your toilet
who could be told? Innocence lost
that room... that hallway
a horror movie that was real

grew up wondering what was normal
no difference between love and hate
no boundaries... no trust... no life
finally gave up on normal

just wanted peace... just wanted acceptance
and acknowledgment that the pain was real
tears flowed freely when powerlessness was admitted
I was a child... it wasn't my fault

I didn't make you an alcoholic
I didn't cause you to abuse each other... as well as me
I didn't lie to protect you... I lied to protect me
physically I didn't die... though the thought entered my mind

spiritually bankrupt... morally corrupt
a child had to die... so a man could be born
slowly learning to walk... numbness has left
the victim died and feelings came alive

there is power in being powerless
there is love with acceptance
when fear left rage disappeared

and a chance at life began

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