Infatuated With Insanity

Step One of CODA (Co-Dependents Anonymous) is "We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable."

As a child of an alcoholic, I have been codependent most of my life. First it was my brothers, I worshiped the ground they walked on and I tried everything in my power to gain their approval. Nothing against my brothers, it was my own warped way of thinking, but no matter what I did it was never good enough.

I spent most of my life trying to gain the acceptance of employers, friends, neighbors, but the worse would be my now ex-wives. By trying to gain their approval and their "love" I lost everything inside of me. I lived my life trying to make their life better, no matter how it affected me.

Infatuated With Insanity

she was my pride, she was my life
she was happy, I was happy
if she hurt, I was hurt
it would become my responsibility
to make things better
it may not have been my problem
but I'd find a solution

when did I lose my identity
and... I became... you
vented in anger and rage
when I couldn't fix
the unfixable
but yet... on a pedestal
you remained
perfect in my eyes

how was I so blinded
stealing from stores
yet... it was my fault
sleeping with other men
yet... I was wrong
your actions...
were my responsibility

regaining my soul
wasn't so easy
no longer my goddess
your actions...
became your responsibility
which led to a new anger and evil
I never knew existed

I fought the urge to save you
it had to be done... to save me
my soul came alive
but sadly... I knew
our relationship died
and part of me died
I prayed that you'd accept...
ownership of your decisions

It's going on 14 years
and I'm still to blame
for everything wrong in your life
I know I'm not an angel
but your actions
are not my responsibility