27 March 2011

Infatuated With Insanity

Step One of CODA (Co-Dependents Anonymous) is "We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable."

As a child of an alcoholic, I have been codependent most of my life. First it was my brothers, I worshiped the ground they walked on and I tried everything in my power to gain their approval. Nothing against my brothers, it was my own warped way of thinking, but no matter what I did it was never good enough.

I spent most of my life trying to gain the acceptance of employers, friends, neighbors, but the worse would be my now ex-wives. By trying to gain their approval and their "love" I lost everything inside of me. I lived my life trying to make their life better, no matter how it affected me.

Infatuated With Insanity

she was my pride, she was my life
she was happy, I was happy
if she hurt, I was hurt
it would become my responsibility
to make things better
it may not have been my problem
but I'd find a solution

when did I lose my identity
and... I became... you
vented in anger and rage
when I couldn't fix
the unfixable
but yet... on a pedestal
you remained
perfect in my eyes

how was I so blinded
stealing from stores
yet... it was my fault
sleeping with other men
yet... I was wrong
your actions...
were my responsibility

regaining my soul
wasn't so easy
no longer my goddess
your actions...
became your responsibility
which led to a new anger and evil
I never knew existed

I fought the urge to save you
it had to be done... to save me
my soul came alive
but sadly... I knew
our relationship died
and part of me died
I prayed that you'd accept...
ownership of your decisions

It's going on 14 years
and I'm still to blame
for everything wrong in your life
I know I'm not an angel
but your actions
are not my responsibility

1 comment:

  1. These are the comments from "Authors Den"

    Reviewed by Regis Auffray 1/13/2008 Since you "speak" from experience, this can be of help to others. Thank you for sharing, Dave. Love and peace to you,

    Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 1/13/2008 Excellent poem, Dave; well penned! (((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :(