29 April 2015

Perfect?

ACOA's Step 6 says that we Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

As a child of an alcoholic I learned to be perfect.  Perfect meant lying, it meant being deceitful, it meant that
whatever it took to be perfect I would do.

As an alcoholic, I learned even more how to be perfect.  It involved more lying and began evolving into
manipulation.

Whatever it took to stay perfect I would do.  Until eventually that perfect world exploded and all the lies and
deceitful thoughts and manipulative games were exposed.

That day perfection died...

Perfect?

there was a time where it was perfect
thoughts were perfect
clothes? Perfect
mind? Perfect
center of the Universe… it was all perfect

yet… some didn't see the perfection
they were quick to point out faults
it wasn't a fault… there were reasons
children of alcoholics can find millions of them
perfect… yes perfect victims

what do they know?
Don't need that negativity
everyone gets angry
everyone loses their job
it's just part of being perfect

for years this illusion of perfection was life
jobs came and went
friends, lovers, and even marriages
all came and went
no one could handle this perfection

perfection is shattered when God steps in
dropping to knees humiliated
hate looking in the mirror
perfection is replaced with disgust
praying for forgiveness… humility comes

eyes are opened… beauty is seen
a beauty that only one can feel
a beauty that can only be shared with One
yet others see it…
a new being… spiritually centered

what happened yesterday no longer mattered
what happens today is perfect
perfect because He is in charge
He created this day to be enjoyed
and that is Perfect

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