05 May 2013

To be or not to be.........angry!




"But far more frightening than facing the rage, is not facing it.  For exiled anger, unacknowledged and repressed, seeps like poison into every relationship" 
 ' Shelf Life' by Simon Parke Ch3 p24




More and more I am realising how damaging 'repressed anger' can be. In relation to anger,I tend to be of the 'let it be shown and felt' variety!  No repression whatsoever! Because of this I feel I have healthy honest relationships. 

I get extremely frustrated with passive aggressive types who pretend to not be angry. Don't they realise it seeps from every pore? It pollutes the atmosphere with dishonesty.

The 'passive aggressive' type screaming out through their sulking to be asked 'what's wrong? or to control others and does not have the courage to be honest about their anger I find incredibly confusing. It reminds me of family secrets syndrome! Denial. Denial. Denial.

I can be angry with those I love, and I expect to be able to be open and honest about it. I expect the same from them. It doesn't mean I don't love them and doesn't mean that they don't love me! 

As a recovering alcoholic I have been told many times to 'leave anger to those best able to deal with it' but I do not believe I can simply 'wish anger away' or even 'pray it away'.  I have tried.

For sure there are healthy and not so healthy ways of dealing with anger...but to deny it I feel is devastatingly dangerous. I need absolute honesty with myself. My program demands it. 

I refuse to see anger as a 'defect of character'. In its proper place, I feel anger can be a catalyst for huge change...not simply in the world but in our own relationships. 

Though I apologise for not always handling my anger in the best way, I do not apologise for the anger itself or deny it.

Blessings! 
S.


2 comments:

Dave Harm said...

I do agree with you Snowie... we are "trained" to think that anger serves no useful purpose in our recovery. Yet is a vital emotion we all have.

My first sobriety, I never dealt with my anger and bottled it up until it exploded into rage...

I am getting better of maintaining control and releasing anger in a constructive way...

On the other side of the coin, when you wrote, "I can be angry with those I love, and I expect to be able to be open and honest about it. I expect the same from them. It doesn't mean I don't love them and doesn't mean that they don't love me! "

That is something I still struggle with. It is the CODA in me and the ACOA that says to me, "I didn't do a bad thing... I am a bad thing."

Something I still work on everyday...

Anonymous said...

(((Dave))) You are most definitely NOT a bad thing! I totally understand where you're coming from, I still get that parrot on my shoulder trying to deflate and demonise me. Now I tend to tell that parrot where to go. I am learning to trust me, to trust my emotions and instincts. Whenever somebody tries to tell me anger is wrong I simply quote Jesus in the temple. If it's OK for Jesus then it's OK for me *smiling* Blessings to you !
Snowie.