I wrote this article in December 2012, shortly before my journey across the pond... a reflection of the year ending and looking forward to new dreams for 2013...
"When we accept ourselves completely, enlightenment happens." - Daniel Levin
At this time of the year I started reflecting on what type of a year I had and wonder what changes I would like to make in the new year.
Until three years ago, this was never a good time for me. I hated where my life was going. I was in a loveless marriage and deep in debt. I hated every morning because I had no dreams. I had no hope as to what life could be. I had no idea how to enjoy life and how to do it on life’s terms.
Things began to change when I took a leap of faith and ended my marriage. I moved to a small and cheap apartment and for the first time in many years I began to dream again.
I found my Higher Power again and began to enjoy my own company and truly enjoyed the Silence. It was in this Silence that I began to remember what brought me peace and some excitement from years ago. The first thing was traveling. In my younger years I traveled a lot. Granted it wasn't always because I wanted to, but rather because I had to keep moving.
By constantly moving, I got to know no one and they didn't know me. By doing this I could play my alcoholic games with new people and in the end con them and manipulate them into those games. Now though, I wanted to travel, to explore, and do it honestly. This time though, I didn't travel the States, I went across the pond and landed in England. Actually my first flight landed in Germany.
It's been a wonderful experience. It's been a wonderful experience learning about new cultures and their ways of life. Christmas in the Old World... still simple and not nearly as commercialized as here. New Year's Eve with fireworks.
In Liverpool, watching the sunset on the Atlantic Ocean and thinking that more then once I have seen the sunrise on that same ocean in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. My love for water makes me feel right at home in England, with the canals winding its way throughout the country. And with these travels, I go back to being a kid again and remembering the excitement I had with flying on a plane. Though, now being all grown up, those planes don't seem as big as they used to be.
As the year comes to an end, I am thankful that I took that leap of faith, to start life again. These trips to England would have never been possible in the past. I might have been able to do it once but then I would be paying it off for the next few years.
In 2006, I went on a trip through 15 States... well it took the next six years to pay that trip off. That has been the true reward of this new life. I have thrown credit out the door. If I don't have the money, the cold hard cash, then I don't do what I want. I don't have a ton of money stashed around. I just know what dreams I want to see become reality. When January 1st rolled around I started saving money for this year's holiday.