14 November 2011

Thankful for the worst day of my life

There is a trivial saying that goes "when one door is shut, another is open." Holds a lot of truth, but at the time I really didn't care about the open door. I first tried to reopen the closed door.

It is such a painful experience to have a part of your life end and have no idea on how to move forward. You beg for that door to open but it remains closed. Think about those trying times. For me it was a divorce and the loss of four kids I helped raise. I'll be the first to admit I wasn't a great father but I did and still care about them.

When that door closed I really didn't foresee a future for me. But now I am grateful that it happened. There is not anyway I could have accomplished what I have with that family. That is not a slam against them, but we were so set in our dysfunctional roles that it wouldn't have ever changed.

And it holds true for them too. Whatever they have accomplished wouldn't have been possible if I never got a divorce.

There are so many different paths our lives could have traveled on and at one time or another, for whatever reason, we took a left instead of a right. It isn't important if it was the right or wrong path, what is important that we realize that it was the path we were destined to be on.

In my third book I share the story of leaving Wyoming with the dream of returning to my home state of New Jersey. To make a long story short, the vehicle broke down and I never made it to New Jersey. That path instead made its way through Alma, Nebraska where I met my ex-wife. And from that day on Nebraska has been my home. From addiction to recovery. From dreams to reality it all happened in Nebraska.

If my destiny made it back to New Jersey, there is very little doubt that I would have destroyed a valued friendship. I would have never met my ex-wife and probably would have never written a poem let alone a book.

The pain I felt from that divorce started years earlier in Wyoming. The only way I could find happiness and freedom was by having the car breakdown and be stranded. Making it back to New Jersey wasn't the path I needed to be on and I got off it. Coincidence? You may say it is. But I don't believe that.

I am on a path chosen just for me and while today's journey is filled with uncertainty, tomorrow will be filled with new adventures. Will I go left or right? Who knows. I probably won't even realize the importance of that decision for a few years. And then with reflection I'll give thanks for the change.

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