24 February 2011

Walking the talk......

Through my time in 12 Step Fellowships the one thing I have learned about myself is that I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I am not embarrassed to show them or to recognize them. Some folks though take that as being fake or even something beyond recovery.

I have never had any other intention in recovery then recovery. I have never looked at any fellowship whether it is online or in person as a dating service. This is who I am. Nothing more and nothing less.

I often say it to people I have sponsored that it is easy to talk the talk. It really takes very little effort to be that way. That to me though is not recovery. I do have the experience of having a heck of a life to relate to many subjects that people share.

From sexual and physical abuse as a child to being physically abused by my first wife. Abused to the point that I feared for my life. I have been homeless and eaten out of garbage cans. I share this now to make my point. I do not look at recovery as a means of being one up on anybody nor do I look at it as a means to get a date or anything else.

I share this stuff because it is who I am. My past has helped me understand where are others are coming from and where they have been. It is not phony and there is not any ulterior motives associated with it.

For me it means that I have went from talking the talk to walking the talk. Last week something happened that really made me look in the mirror to see if what I was doing was real. And I came away knowing it is real.

I can not change another persons reactions or thoughts from the way I act. It is who I am. And what I am is an alcoholic and a codependent and an adult child who is trying his best to stay in tune with my emotions and my feelings.

When I am upset my return to a spiritual center is done by writing and sorting it all out with my HP. And what I have found is that I am grateful for this second chance at life and that all I am doing is walking the talk.

I wrote a poem about it and made a short video with these thoughts. I hope you like it.

Walking The Talk

I’ve read the books
I know the looks
I know what to say
Though that isn’t the way

I don't need practice to talk
There’s more to the program
It involves the walk

I can look you in the eyes
Tell you how well I am
Yet we both know... they’re lies

There are things I truly lust
Your friendship… your support
I need to learn to trust

I can write a poem or sing a song
Yet that means nothing
If I can’t admit when I am wrong

I can share my story
My experience, strength, and hope
Told with humility… not for the glory

I’ll listen in silence when you share
A message so powerful
I’ll understand… I’ll care

It’s easy to talk the talk
Quotes from a book may impress
That ain’t the program… that ain’t the walk

This walk I will take
You will see it…
The respect I give... it won't be fake

Honest words will keep me together
With your help and support
I can survive the stormiest weather

Listening to the thoughts… day by day
Step after step… a sanctuary in my mind
My Higher Power will always have the final say

Walk……. The……. Talk

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