11 July 2010

A little bit of control...

The weekend is usually a time for me to relax and do some house cleaning. It is the day to do the laundry. To clean the kitchen and bathroom, and vacuum the carpets.

It keeps me busy in the morning and then the rest of the day is filled with relaxation. Do some writing, do some reading, and just enjoy the rest of the day before a new work week starts.

Today though was a little different. I had just put my jeans in the wash and came back to vacuum and I wondered why am I doing this routine?

I mean… I live alone… I don’t have guests. It is my home, but I don’t do a lot here. So why am I so concerned with the carpets being vacuumed?

I mean I can probably wait two weeks, even a month, before vacuuming. The laundry does have to be done every week, but why do I need to clean the kitchen and the bathroom so much? Why do I need to make my bed every morning?

The dishes? Why can’t I let them just sit in the sink and clean them as I need them?

Yes, I know it is amazing what I think about when I am doing these chores.

Why do I do these things? For me, a person who has surrendered and admitted that I am powerless… these simple projects give me a little bit of control.

And with this control I am able to take care of myself in a healthy way. In a very simple way it gives me power over my life.

I have the choice to wash my dishes or let them pile up in the sink. Yes, I don’t have any guests here, but it is nice to walk into the kitchen and see a clean sink and enjoy a pleasant aroma. I may not have many guests but I have me visiting this place daily.

I am worth the attention I give myself with these simple acts of control.

And while I may be powerless over things… I still have the power to decide how I shall live. And today, I find great comfort in taking care of my home and myself…

1 comment:

Bobby said...

Bravo! You are taking care of your life and that means keeping your living space livable. Recovery includes living life healthier and happier. This means looking at the non-addict inside of us and treating it like a little seedling. It needs plenty of light, water, nutrients, fresh air and lots and lots of love. Kudos to you and your newly green thumb!