27 February 2010

Four year old Forty-somethings

Loneliness is part of being human. I can reach out, to take risks, to meet people, to be with people, and to be closer to people.

While I can not make someone close to me, I can increase my chances of getting close to others if I take the risk of doing so.

Me-me-me is exactly that me-me-me. Yes recovery is a journey of one. But what kind of journey is it if we don't take into account any consideration of others? By totally 100% focusing on me-me-me... I am saying that it is OK to hurt others and have no concern for their feelings. Yes, I need to protect myself but if it comes at the destruction of others is it really worth it? Is that the recovery I seek? I don't.

Like I said, I've seen it in face to face meetings. Someone needs to be the center of attention. They cross talk during meetings and interrupt whenever they can. At first people listen to them, but after awhile people begin to see that they aren't changing that “me-me-me” is here to stay. So others turn them off and what “me-me-me” was so concerned about – rejection – has happened. But not once has “me-me-me” looked within, instead they get angry and leave that group. They find a new group. And in time once again they are rejected. Now “me-me-me” becomes a victim because no one wants to listen to them.

So they just bounce back and forth to different groups – hoping things have changed – but they'll never change because “me-me-me” hasn't changed.

You can also see that on message boards. Instead of responding to present threads on the same subject, they create new ones just to keep the focus on “me-me-me.” Then when no one responds these people will say they found a better site with more action and they delete their accounts and disappear – at least for awhile. Then by no one's surprise they come back and start right back where they left off - “me-me-me.” No explanations... nothing... and they can't figure out why the rejection continues.

100% “me-me-me” will always lead to rejection and with that the victim is created.

Nobody likes to be rejected, it always produces some shame and a sense of abandonment. There is no way to avoid all rejection in relationships. But there are constructive ways of dealing with rejection without becoming a victim.

1.Create a network of friends to lean on, instead of one or two people, who can be there when needed.
2.Self-talk. Rejection is a part of life and is not a sign of weakness.
3.Change the negative self-talk, “I would have liked his help, but he's busy and that is not rejection.”
4.When the rejection is “bigger” - an end to a relationship – let the pain out, be vulnerable.

All of this is about me, but not at the point of hurting others, while it is about me, it is also about them. It is a way to put rejection in its place without being the victim.

I am so tired of four year olds pretending to be forty-something year olds...

1 comment:

Bobby said...

What a great blog. You are absolutely right. When an addict goes into early recovery usually it is a lonely process because they are breaking ties with people who have shared their bad habits. When they venture to make new friends they are extremely vulnerable and very sensitive. Getting over yourself and thinking of others is one way to get back out there with a purpose.