20 December 2009

Tired of being owned by an alarm clock

When I first quit drinking and began a new life in sobriety the only thing I truly wanted was to live a boring life. It has been anything but boring and I’m tired of it. I need to slow down and regain my focus on the spiritual side of life and get back to a more simplistic and boring life.

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I am owned by my alarm clock. I rely on its power to wake me up in the morning or maybe even in the afternoon after a snooze. It has become my life line to be a functioning member of society.

I can lay my head down at nights with the comfort of knowing how deeply I am asleep my alarm clock will wake me up. That is unless I forgot to set it or heaven forbid, the power goes off and the alarm clock loses its memory. I know it has a battery back-up but what happens if that battery dies?

I need that alarm clock to wake me up and get ready to go to work. I am owned by that alarm clock. My whole financial worth is built upon that alarm clock buzzing away in the morning.

It sets my whole day productivity. If it doesn’t go off or I forget to set it, then my whole day is ruined. I wake up and look at the time and see how late I am. I fly out of bed and race to get in my clothes and out the door. I get to work and I’m still asleep. In fact, I never really wake up. The whole day I seem to be lost, behind on everything I try to do.

Yes, I am owned by my alarm clock. I hate when it goes off in the morning, but I need it to do just that for me to continue to function in society. It has become the ultimate love-hate relationship. Now though I’m trying to regain my life from that alarm clock. It will go off and now I don’t hope out of bed. I’ll hit that ten minute snooze button and laugh at the alarm clocks power over me. Some days, I’ll hit that alarm clock 3-4 times before I get out of bed.

Someday the power that alarm clock has over me will disappear. I won’t be owned by it anymore. I will take back control of my own internal clock to wake me. It already is happening. While I need that alarm clock to wake up during the week, I have never needed it to wake me on the weekends. Yes, I wake up on Saturdays and Sundays waiting for that clock to blast away but it never does. If I can do it on the weekends then I know I can do it on the weekdays.

Someday, I will not be owned by that alarm clock and I will regain a piece of that boring life that I want so much…

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