10 October 2009

Scars That Don't Heal

I learned with every 12 Step group that I've participated in that I am powerless... that I need to surrender all control.

I don't entirely agree with that. And every time I say that at a meeting. The eyebrows raise and I go on to explain myself. By the time I finish explaining many agree with me.

There is one thing that I have total control over is my word. If I say something, I should stick to it. If I make a commitment to a project then I need to follow it through.

The words I speak can either be filled with love and peace... or anger and hate. The choice is mine.

The reason I say that is because when I first started dating after my divorce, three separate women on different occasions said to me that they would rather suffer physical abuse rather then verbal abuse.

Their reasoning was a black-eye will disappear. The pain on their will leave. But the words spoken to them in anger are harder to get rid of. I never looked at it that way.

I used to take pride in a fact that I never hit my ex-wife. But after talking to these three ladies, I realized that I did abuse her with my words. It was a slap in the face because as an ACOA I should have known the power in words.

The video below is a poem I wrote. In fact, it was the first poem I ever had published back in 1996. It's kind of intense... but the subject is.

Today... I choose to use words of love and peace...

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