14 May 2017

What If?

Step 12 of ACOA says that after having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Recently someone asked me if I could go through life again what one thing would I change.  Without hesitation my response was "my parents."  That is the only way I would want to relive my life.  Any other change would mean reliving that hell once again and I couldn't do that to myself another time...

This is the idea behind the poem What If?


What If?

Oh what a change
mom helped me with homework
dad played catch with me
quiet and peaceful at nights

a family that never was
a family just in the mind
no booze… no eggshells to walk on
no fights… no black eyes

a fantasy? sadly… yes
at least for this child
a child who sees only pain
a child who hears only screams

please dad succeed with suicide
please mom stay drunk and sleep forever
those moments of silence… pure heaven
those moments of peace… to few and rare

a home stinking of scotch and beer
a bed occupied by more than a child
a lonely life where no one is trusted
and at times… death would be welcomed

to do this life again with different parents
could it be worse? don’t know how
saw blood and burns… black eyes too
suicidal hangings and threats with butcher knives

it’s ok to say the childhood was bad
it was beyond bad… it was a holocaust
spiritual death where a child died slowly
everyday saw a new way to be tortured

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