What If?

Step 12 of ACOA says that after having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Recently someone asked me if I could go through life again what one thing would I change.  Without hesitation my response was "my parents."  That is the only way I would want to relive my life.  Any other change would mean reliving that hell once again and I couldn't do that to myself another time...

This is the idea behind the poem What If?

 

What If?

Oh what a change

mom helped me with homework

dad played catch with me

quiet and peaceful at nights

a family that never was

a family just in the mind

no booze… no eggshells to walk on

no fights… no black eyes

a fantasy? sadly… yes

at least for this child

a child who sees only pain

a child who hears only screams

please dad succeed with suicide

please mom stay drunk and sleep forever

those moments of silence… pure heaven

those moments of peace… to few and rare

a home stinking of scotch and beer

a bed occupied by more than a child

a lonely life where no one is trusted

and at times… death would be welcomed

to do this life again with different parents

could it be worse? don’t know how

saw blood and burns… black eyes too

suicidal hangings and threats with butcher knives

it’s ok to say the childhood was bad

it was beyond bad… it was a holocaust

spiritual death where a child died slowly

everyday saw a new way to be tortured