15 April 2011

Was it possible to be free?

The second promise of AA says, "We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness."

When I quit drinking I didn't care about any promises. In fact for the most part I didn't even know they existed. Which probably was a good thing. I wouldn't have believed them anyhow. A new freedom? A new happiness? Yeah right!

I never had any thoughts of being free ever again. As far as being happy? I felt I didn't deserve it. How could I be happy with all the evil I dumped on others? All I wanted was to quit drinking. All I wanted was for the pain to subside.

I hated myself to the point that I didn't believe that I deserved to be free or happy. I built my own prison and I had sentenced myself to a life term.

But something happened along my journey. I began to see that while I made mistakes - I wasn't a mistake. I did bad things when I was drunk. But when I was sober that evil left. Where did it go? I turned it over to my Higher Power and He forgave me.

It was from this new friendship that I began to realize that there is nothing in this Universe that is here by mistake. We all serve a purpose. Exactly what is my purpose? I don't know and really it isn't that important.

My purpose is to continue to search for answers. To continue to tap into my own unknown potential. And this journey that was destined just for me has brought me freedom and happiness.

Everyday I find something new that I didn't know yesterday. And with every new piece of knowledge I give thanks for the chance to expand my horizons. How can I not be happy? It's new, it's fresh, and it's very real. How can I not be free? I'm free to explore. To explore my relationship with my Higher Power. Free to explore my own relationship in this world. And forever free of self-seeking pride. And for that I'll be forever grateful.

This freedom and happiness is renewed everyday! Everyday that I get on my knees and thank my Creator for a second chance.

1 comment:

  1. Thoughts from "Authors Den"

    Reviewed by Keith Rowley 2/5/2009
    Beautifully written. Moving and unusually perceptive.

    Reviewed by Linda Settles 2/4/2009
    I love what you said: While I made mistakes--I wasn't a mistake. You are so right my friend. A slogan posted on the bottom of each page of my newest book (to be released April 1, 2009) is: No life is so damaged, no soul so stained, that God would disdain to die for it.

    I'm glad you accepted that truth and are walking in it.