24 April 2011

Living without shame

Step Five of Self-Parenting states, "Learned to share our self-parenting issues with others without self-recrimination or shame."

This was not easy and continues to be a struggle for me. It's hard at times to admit that I am not the greatest parent to myself. I guess that comes from the fact that I am an ACOA. Then when I do share my issues about self-parenting, I still struggle with the shame.

It's not as bad as it used to be, but at times I can really shame myself with the messages from childhood. I am by far my own worst critic.

This morning was a good example. Our roof is in dire need of new shingles. This didn't just pop up overnight. I've known about it for awhile and I kept putting it on the back burner. So now, I'm trying to patch it together and hopefully be able to nurse it through the winter. And hopefully, replace at least half the roof in the spring. Darn shingles ain't cheap!

So starting today, my self-parenting involves a goal of replacing the roof in the spring. To do this, means that I will have to be disciplined enough to start saving money - right now. It just bothers me that I put myself in this predicament.

I truly need to learn how to act instead of react. I should have took action last spring, when I noticed the damage, instead of now reacting when in reality it's to late.

I'm still a work in progress... which is OK. I just need to do a better job of accepting that fact and not beating myself up over it.

These steps, also adapted from AA, were written by Patricia O'Gorman, Ph.D. and Philip Diaz, M.S.W., as part of their work with families, women, and youth in recovery.

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