02 November 2015

Scars that don't heal

This was my first published poem and is included in my first book Damaged Merchandise.

In 1994, I surrendered to alcoholism. For the next two years I made amends and looked at my relationships.

After filing for a divorce, I casually dated and three different women shared with me the same belief. That they would rather be physically beaten instead of verbally abused.

Their reasoning was that over time, the scars from the physical abuse would heal - but those words said with an evil intent could last a lifetime...

One evening during the news,
I was shocked to see a young wife
she was beaten by her husband
her eyes black… her lips swollen
I wondered would she heal
I knew she was safe
the police… and the courts
would protect her
as I watched the screen
she cried and shook
and I wondered… would she ever heal

could she remember her wedding night
when her beau said… “I love you”
was it yesterday or an eternity
when he told her how beautiful she was
her battered face came to life
on the screen… I, too… started to cry
I wanted to hug her and comfort her
would this help her scars
what was said before she was beat
was she a whore… a slut… a cheat
shame sat in… as I realized “I’m sorry” wasn’t enough
weakness took over
realizing the pain of words spoken
and I wondered… would she ever heal

I don’t hit… nor own any guns
but I own a weapon far worse
words that come from me
with pain lasting longer than any hit
I think all will be well when… “I’m sorry”
comes after… “You’re useless”
“You’re a bitch” “I hate you”

I say with pride… I didn’t hit her
but the unknown scars run a lot deeper
living together is difficult
words become charged with threats and violence
my heart sinks deeper
the TV brings tears
I say… “I love you”
but the girl continues to cry
and I wondered… would she ever heal

that night… I kiss my wife
all was well and we were at peace
it was beautiful… it was magnificent
it was love
the mouth… and the tongue
can produce so much beauty
but as we hugged
I looked across the room
at a blackened TV set
realizing the evil that lurks within
and I wondered… would she ever heal

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