03 June 2015

ACOA Step 7

Step 7 of ACOA says that we will Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

Growing up in an ACOA home there is no such thing as a shortcoming. A person does what they have to do just to survive. There were times where you didn't worry about the boogie man under the bed, you worried about the drunk parent in the next room.

I'd pretend to be asleep when one of my parents entered the room. I wouldn't move when I had a bed partner. I'd show no sign of emotion as far as liking what was going on or crying for fear of it all. I tried to act asleep as the invasion took place.

Was this a shortcoming? Maybe… I didn't yell STOP. These thoughts used to fill me with shame then I remember I was only 6-7 years old.

As I got older I'd lie to get out of the house. To get away from the insanity. I'd say I was invited to sleep at someone's home and would leave, then later sneak into our backyard and sleep in the garage.

Was this a shortcoming? Lying? At that time, I don't think so… it was doing whatever it took to survive.

As years went by I found alcohol. A wonderful substance that made me numb. It took away the fears, the shame, as well as the guilt from these so called shortcomings.

I share these shortcomings because as a child I did what I did to survive. There wasn't any maliciousness in any of these actions, it was just an instinct to survive. Yet, what helped me as a child to survive, crippled me as an adult.

I never drank to relax and unwind. I drank to stay numb and to forget. In the end I became an alcoholic. And along the way I also found the great numbing effects of drugs. I honestly believe that if I didn't find alcohol or drugs I would have ended up in prison.

When I was given the gift of sobriety, I realized that what helped me as a child were now indeed – shortcomings. To this day, I'm not ashamed of them. They helped me survive and they also helped others stay alive. Dramatic? Not at all. That is reality. Something I never experienced as a child in an alcoholic home.
'd pretend to be asleep when one of my parents entered the room.  I wouldn't move when I had a bed partner.  I'd show no sign of
emotion as far as liking what was going on or crying for fear of it all.  I tried to act asleep as the invasion took place.

Was this a shortcoming?  Maybe… I didn't yell STOP.  These thoughts used to fill me with shame then I remember I was only 6-7
years old.

As I got older I'd lie to get out of the house.  To get away from the insanity.  I'd say I was invited to sleep at someone's home and
would leave, then later sneak into our backyard and sleep in the garage.

Was this a shortcoming?  Lying?  At that time, I don't think so… it was doing whatever it took to survive.

As years went by I found alcohol.  A wonderful substance that made me numb.  It took away the fears, the shame, as well as the
guilt from these so called shortcomings.

I share these shortcomings because as a child I did what I did to survive.  There wasn't any maliciousness in any of these actions,
it was just an instinct to survive.  Yet, what helped me as a child to survive, crippled me as an adult.

I never drank to relax and unwind.  I drank to stay numb and to forget.  In the end I became an alcoholic.  And along the way I also
found the great numbing effects of drugs.  I honestly believe that if I didn't find alcohol or drugs I would have ended up in prison.

When I was given the gift of sobriety, I realized that what helped me as a child were now indeed – shortcomings.  To this day, I'm
not ashamed of them.  They helped me survive and they also helped others stay alive.  Dramatic?  Not at all.  That is reality.
Something I never experienced as a child in an alcoholic home. - See more at: http://www.daveharm.com/article.html#sthash.XjOEiObj.dpuf

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