07 August 2014

No Conditions On God's Love

God does for me what I can do for myself. I hate that saying. Before I go any further, let me say that my Higher Power saved my life and is my best friend. I hate that saying because it puts conditions on God's love.

I hear it said at AA meetings. So if God gets a person sober, does that mean God also gets a person drunk or has them slip? Of course not.

Does God provide some people with security and leave others out in the cold? Again, of course not.

My Higher Power practices unconditional love. That love isn't concerned if I have money or no money. He doesn't care if I am sober or drunk. I believe God does for me what I could not do by myself... by being honest... by being humble... and to not worship false idols.

I have had numerous idols in my life. The most obvious was alcohol and drugs. After sobriety, my new idol was work and money. I worked for money, but it was never enough. I needed more money and I needed more work.

Money became a god. And I quickly learned that if I had credit cards I had more money. And the best part was I could borrow a thousand dollars on a card and only have to pay back $15 a month. God couldn't do this for me... big banks and a job could do it for me.

What God could do for me that I couldn't do for myself was give me the strength to cut up credit cards and live with only cash. What God did for me that I couldn't do for myself was to enjoy my own company. I didn't need to eat at restaurants every night, nor did I have to shop every night. What God did for me that I couldn't do for myself was swallow my pride and move into a small apartment because that's all I could afford. What God did for me that I couldn't do for myself was to park my car and walk. And what really amazed me was that God did for me what I couldn't do for myself was the ability to save money. What a wonderful gift I was given.

God never gave me money because I wanted it. He gave me money because I needed it. The fact is, that even the money I needed wasn't entirely just for me. By God giving me money, it also helped family members that I “borrowed” money from. When God gave me money, my brothers were safe with theirs. When God gave me money, friends were safe with theirs.

God never gave me money just so I could spend more. God gave me freedom of choice. That freedom gave me power to choose my own Higher Power. Ultimately the choice was between material and spiritual. Material meant more things and more debt. Spiritual meant more freedom and living a stress free life.

I've met people that had everything a person could imagine but were very poor – financially and spiritually. And I've met people that to the outside world had nothing. Yet they were the richest people I've ever met.

In my life I have eaten at restaurants where the meals cost $100 a piece and I've also eaten out of dumpsters. I've owned every possession a man could want and have owned only the clothes on my back.

I pray that I am done with the extremes. And God can do that for me because I have never been able to do it myself.

Having no money sucks. And to me, having money just to spend sucks as well if not more because that hole inside my soul was never satisfied and all I wanted was more and more.

Thank you God for doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. Thank you for helping me get out of debt and to stay out of debt. Thank you for teaching me how to respect money and to live with only money. Thank you for showing me that credit cards did not help the situation and in fact only made things worse.

Thank you God for letting my family live in peace and not fear me showing up crying on their shoulder begging for money.

I learned how to trust... how to be honest and I had a willingness to learn. To be teachable and to be humble... so thank you God for a second chance of living a spiritual life with You at my center..

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