06 July 2014

For The Grace of God

Yet... for the Grace of God there go I. I go through different phases in my life where I begin to take my sobriety for granted. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to drink, its just that at times I forget how truly an amazing gift I have been given. When this gratitude disappears I'm quickly put in the humility chair and reality slaps me in the face.

My landlord recently put a new window air conditioner in my apartment. It's a small apartment, so a window unit does the trick. Well the person who put it in is nothing more then skin and bones... very much what I looked like when I quit drinking. For me, my 6'4” frame held 130 pounds. I'm not sure if this guy even weighs that much.

Anyway, he came to put in the new unit but first he had to remove the old one. As he walked past me I could smell the booze and I went from relaxed to worried. I'm on the second floor and watching him battle the old unit out of the window and nearly fall backwards was about more then I could handle.

Then to watch him reinstall part of the window, which wasn't needed with the old unit, I had visions of him falling through the glass and me calling 911. The window finally went in and then the new air conditioner was battled into place. On the side of the unit, fresh new drill holes that were made trying to secure the outside frame. Heck with using the pre-drilled holes, let's make new ones!!!

Amazingly he left in one piece and the unit is working. I then went back in time when I was delivering furniture for Montgomery Wards. Every house I went into I was drunk. Hauling refrigerators into basements or upstairs. Fine furniture which the new owners didn't want a scratch on. How many of those folks wondered what kind of damage I would do to their property or to myself.

As I closed the door, my heart became filled with gratitude. So very thankful for the gift of sobriety. I thought of myself. After doing a job like that, I would head to a bar and continue my day long drinking adventure. Everyone I met would here about how hard of a day I had putting an air conditioner in a window.

The last thing on my mind at 5 PM would be dinner. Tonight though, that is all I can think about. As this person was thinking about his next drink, I was in my little kitchen, making a meat sauce for ravioli and in the oven will be a couple of pieces of baked garlic bread. And to drink? Iced Tea.

When I got sober, I had two goals. One was to never willing hurt another human being ever again. The second goal was to have a boring life. By boring, I mean the drama, the headaches, the blackouts, and everything else that lead to an insane lifestyle.

Having a boring life is actually quite exciting... and I thank God everyday for this boring life of mine.