23 April 2012

The Law of Resistance

The Tenth Law of the Universe is The Law of Resistance.

This Law says that a person whom we resist is drawn to us because of fears. We can not rid ourselves of them until we squarely face our fears.

This is quite a powerful statement. The more we resist our fears the more we stay in its grasp. We can not move forward or grow at all if we are resisting our fears
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"A person whom we resist is drawn to us because of fears. We can not rid ourselves of them until we squarely face our fears."

I've read this and read it and read it again. It holds truth for me, yet I never looked at it as resistance... nor fear. The reason I kept rereading it because it is the first time I looked at some past relationships... namely my marriages.

A fear of mine that I have had since I reached my 40th birthday is the fear of dying alone. It was a fear that dominated my dating habits. I based my relationships on that fear. Would this person put up with me until I was buried? And when said yes they would. I jumped all over it. I was safe... my fear was gone.

As the years moved on, this person brought this up in just about every conversation we had with someone. It was my fear and she strengthened it by telling others about it. She strengthened her hold over me by reinforcing it in my own subconscious. I did not want to die alone.

It was said so much that it became my identity in my marriage. I was married because I was in fear of dying alone. It wasn't about love or a future... just a fear of dying alone.

The fact of the matter was I was dying alone. Every night I prayed to die in my sleep. The fear had totally taken over my life. The future held nothing except death.

The turning point for me was working with a person I was sponsoring and our discussion drifted into the area of my fears and I was asked, “What about Dave?”

The question brought tears to my eyes. I was living in so much fear that I forgot all about Dave. I was letting my fear kill me day by day... slowly but it was happening. I quit using the gifts that were given to me through sobriety, gifts from my Higher Power and the greatest gift of all... life itself.

I got divorced, which shocked my ex because I was squarely going into my fear head on. I was alone. Being alone never bothered me and it still doesn't. The fear of dying alone though was a major fear.

By facing that fear... it is no more. The fact of the matter is whether I die alone or in the company of someone is beyond my control. I have no power over that. And the other fact of the matter is I won't die alone or ever be alone if I stay close with my Higher Power.

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