I Was Powerless

I grew up in an alcoholic home. Both of my parents were alcoholics. I share the stories of this nightmare in my three books. But it all came down to one basic premise. My mom was out of control, my dad was out of control, and they were in control of me.

That is a pretty scary thought for any child. But as any child will do in this type of situation they begin to take on the guilt of a failed marriage and the broken dreams of his parents. If only I got an A on that last math test mom and dad wouldn't have gotten drunk. If only I ate my whole supper dad wouldn't have beaten me.

It is a vicious cycle for a child to grow up in and one that is also hard to leave behind. It took me years... many years... to realize that I was child and I was powerless. I just couldn't pack my bags when I was seven years old and say, "Mom and dad I'm leaving, if you want me to move back home... get help."

But it was from this inner death that life was born. For every child that has been abused, for every alcoholic and addict that recovers, there is hope.

There is life after death in this world. Spiritually we're reborn and a new journey starts. As a child, I learned how to survive. I lied, I stole, and I manipulated. I did anything I could to try and bring a little sanity into a very toxic home.

I carried these traits into adulthood and became the perfect victim. Two divorces, numerous run ins with the law, many lost jobs, and homelessness. I would still have that insanity if I never came to the conclusion that, "I am Powerless."

Thank you God, for a second chance...



I Was Powerless

I was powerless...
as a child when my parents drank
I couldn't make them stop
before they got drunk

I was powerless...
of my fears wondering
if dad would kill mom
or would he sleep with me

I was powerless...
to be my dad's wife
or my mom's husband
I couldn't protect them

I was powerless...
of the shame and guilt
because mom drank herself to death
I couldn't have done more

I was powerless...
of the insane battles
my brothers fought
it was their war

I was powerless...
I was a child...
who needed love
and got none

I was powerless...