The Big Book Bully! EEK
Ever been to a group where the local guru can talk word for word from the Big Book... yet rarely shares their personal experiences? They are quick to tell you how to do your program... yet are very secretive with their own.
Then when doubts arise about their program and their sincerity they go on the defensive ready to attack.
Don't be fooled. It is not "their" program, it is not "my" program... it is always YOUR program.
Every group has one. You know the person who knows it all. They can preach to you line for line on any topic from the Big Book.
They have folks that follow them around and that ask them questions. In their grandiose thinking they consider all these folks sponsorees. They may boast of dozens and dozens of people they sponsor, yet rarely will anyone say, “Yes he is my sponsor.”
There is no doubt these folk know how the program should work, but I question at times, have they ever worked the program themselves?
They can speak on and on about the group, but never the fellowship. They can preach on what was said over seventy years ago, yet they can’t share their own experience, strength, and hope.
For these people, one of their favorite lines is “willing to go to any length.” What does that actually mean? If you are a shy person, that can become physically ill when speaking, should you be expected to speak in front of a group people even though you know you will get sick? Is that really the spirit of the program by “going to any length?”
I don’t think any of the founders wanted anyone to feel pressured into doing anything. The only goal was sobriety… it wasn’t about speaking in front of anyone, nor was it about making coffee, or putting chairs away. Yes, they are valuable services, but we should do them because we want too… not because we have too.
“Willing to go to any length,” to me means, that there are times that any 12 Step Fellowship isn’t enough. And it is at that time we seek professional help. Bill W did this with Father Dowling.
I’ve seen folks that talked about their suicidal thoughts and were told “to man up… go to any lengths… quit feeling sorry for yourself.”
Really stupid ass comments if you ask me. Theses folks leave the fellowship thinking they will never cut it, while these know-it-alls sit on their throne knowing they were right. They never see that person again and assume they are still drinking, while another assumption could very easily be that they followed through with their suicidal thoughts. Or they did go to any length and found the help they needed.
Deepak Chopra once said, “Seek those who search for the truth, and run from those that have found it.” Those that think they have found it are those who speak with no humility and never mention their Higher Power. Also those that have found it, never touch anyone’s heart because they never speak from the heart.
The point of this? Go with your heart. Sometimes, the ones who know it all can do the most damage to your recovery. "Go to any lengths," doesn't mean to set yourself up for abuse from any one. And sometimes, the 12 Steps may not be the answer. They worked for me... that doesn't mean they will work for you. "Go to any lengths," you need to stay sober and clean for you... not for someone... just for you.