02 May 2011

No Place For Jealously

Step Six of CODA says, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

When I was dealing with my co-dependency my biggest character defects were control and jealously. Sadly, the ex thought that jealously was love.

No Place For Jealously

she loved my jealously
it was a sign of my love
she loved my insecurity
it kept me in her control

when jealously rose its ugly head
"we're just friends"
is all she'd say
than wink at me and walk away

jealously and insecurity turned to rage
on the nights I slept alone
kids would tell the story
of how drunk you got
and fell asleep with Greg

ready to leave my eternal hell
but mastery of manipulation
had me apologizing
to you... for your wrongs

"I know nothing happened
because I awoke fully dressed."
The kids laughed at your words
than felt my belt on their rear ends

jealously... a demon beyond control
jealous of your "friends"
jealous of our kids
jealous of you
because you never let me in

jealously left when I walked away
and I seen how sick
I had become
I still feel some anger
no... not at you
but... at me

my insanity destroyed so much
and after so many years
bridges have still not been rebuilt
I'm sorry... it took so long to walk away
so much pain could have been avoided
if I only could have said
"No... no more... this is insane"

who knows where I'd be
if I believed in my God
for the love and support
I so desperately
sought from you

1 comment:

  1. Comments from "Authors Den"

    Reviewed by Tuchy (Carl) Palmieri 6/8/2008
    Dave having had a love that went wrong and divorcing after 21 years, i finally made my amends 6 years later.
    keep working one day at a time
    All my best

    Reviewed by Jackie (Micke) Jinks 6/7/2008
    No imaginary thoughts in this...just stark realities of the side-bar of alcoholism. Well told, Gene...by one who has revealed his sadened soul, survived, and with no retaliations. Well told...
    Blessings ~~ Micke

    Reviewed by Romance Poetess Bardic Muse 6/7/2008
    This is a very gripping write & experience you have penned.
    I myself could not even begin to comprehend jelousy is love, I still don't understand it & I never want to from all the stories I have heard. I most specially would never want to feel it either & I hope that you have tamed this beasty emotion with confidence into a better day for a loving future with dignity & respect deserving to be embraced instead.
    I do like the constructive outlet of your poetic expression & it is a very well done message with truth & feelings.
    Embraced ~ Embrassé