30 April 2011

*Winning* Duh...????

How can anyone be winning when duh everything around them is falling apart... Can anybody be winning when their addiction is running wild? The Big Book says it is "Self-will run riot." To me the winners are the ones who surrender and find a Higher Power.

I admit it. I have become a Charlie Sheen junkie. No, I’m not… duh winning… at least not in his way. Yes I am winning, by accepting my life for what it is filled with humility and grace.

Is there such a thing as being accepting when there is so much anger present? It doesn’t matter if you were wronged or not… constantly being angry just makes a person look sick, demented… or in the case of an alcoholic/addict… it makes it look like a slip.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have been angry in the past for wrongs done to me. With a Higher Power I was able to let go of the anger and realize that my anger was giving the other person power they didn’t deserve.

In the short term, that anger felt good and it felt necessary for my views to be understood. As time went on though all that anger did was consume me and run my life. It pushed me away from those I cared about… from those I loved.

Right there is the key. “Those I loved.” As a child of an alcoholic, I know what happens when anger is planted like a seed and watered and nurtured to full growth. That anger becomes one with the alcoholic… it becomes your child.

While your child who has your DNA may grow… more like a weed then a beautiful flower.

Alcoholics and addicts believe they have the right to drink and drug and party. Heck they aren’t hurting anybody. Then they get angry when their children are removed from their homes for their own safety. Now how sad is that… your child is removed from your home because they aren’t safe under your care.

We keep pointing fingers at everybody and continue to make ourselves look sicker and sicker. The anger keep getting watered and it continues to grow.

The stories keep coming to life of how we are when we drink and all we can do is say is “It’s not true.” That’s right they are all lying. The two of them… the three of them… the four of them… they are all lying.

Anger keeps growing… respect is gone… and thoughts of the future disappear. The future will never reappear until we get help. It is over.

This isn’t about AA or maybe it being a cult. It isn’t about success rates or anything else. It is about being a different person when we drink or drug. It is about our children being scared of us.

Yes, I keep up with Charlie Sheen because if not for the Grace of God it could be me. Charlie Sheen gives me gratitude everyday. I thank my Higher Power for my sobriety and a second chance at living life. And what a wonderful life a sober life can be.

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