24 April 2011

Reaching out to a Higher Power

Step Three of Self-Parenting states, "Learned to let go of compulsive self-reliance by reaching out to our Higher Power."

Self-reliance has gotten me into so many unhealthy situations. I don't know if unhealthy is the proper word, but I find it extremely difficult to reach out and ask for help. This foolish self-centered pride has gotten me into some sticky situations.

I find it so hard to ask for help when I need it. Then all of a sudden I find myself backed into a corner with no logical escape. Right now, I'm in such a predicament. The economy has been extremely hard on my finances. We are behind on our mortgage payments as well as our credit cards.

I have a good reason for this. At the beginning of the year I lost a part-time job because the company (a newspaper) was losing lots of advertisement revenues. My once a week column was expendable and actually I was a freelance writer for them, so by getting rid of me they were protecting their "real" employees. I understand it and have no bitter feelings about it. But that income loss started our downfall. I needed to use the credit cards to get my wife's prescriptions filled and it just snowballed after that.

I knew when I lost that job I knew what would happen but instead of calling these companies and explain my situation to them; I tried to figure out an answer on my own. And like the past... I'm once again backed into a corner.

Now tomorrow I'll be on the phone trying to work something out. Tonight, my stomach is already doing flip-flops and I'm sure I'll be tossing and turning in bed.

I need to start reaching out for my Higher Parent sooner not later. I need to start "acting" with life's problems instead of "reacting."

I know everything will work out. It always has, but I really need to get into a better habit of being a good parent to myself and ask for help when I need it.

These steps, also adapted from AA, were written by Patricia O'Gorman, Ph.D. and Philip Diaz, M.S.W., as part of their work with families, women, and youth in recovery.

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