Step nine of self-parenting is that we healed our inner child by realizing the promises of self-parenting in our daily life.
For me, the promise of self-parenting is the realization that I’m OK. I’m not the mistake I heard as a child. In fact, I’m a pretty good person. Self-Parenting thought me that I don’t need to seek approval from others. It’s OK, as long as I approve of what I’m doing.
I’ve learned that I don’t need to worry when I say “no.” It doesn’t mean that I no longer want a friend or a relationship, it just means that I may be uncomfortable with what is asked of me.
The promise that I learned from self-parenting is that I have a right to feel good. I don’t need to feel guilty if I feel happy. My parent has taught me that I have every right to feel happy and feel like I belong here. That I do have a purpose.
My daily life has shown me that the little boy inside of me still needs to be nurtured and loved. And he doesn’t need to feel guilty for asking for it.
And most of all, I believe that through self-parenting, I’ve been given the gift of forgiving my birth parents and having the ability to freely thank my Higher Power for giving them to me. Without my parents, exactly the way they were, I would not have turned into the person I am.
And for that I’ll be forever grateful…
These steps, also adapted from AA, were written by Patricia O'Gorman, Ph.D. and Philip Diaz, M.S.W., as part of their work with families, women, and youth in recovery.