25 April 2011

Finding the divinity

Step 11 of Self-Parenting says, "Allowed the divinity in us to shine forth by surrendering to our Higher Power."

I do believe that the divinity in me has always been there, but for so many years I refused to accept it. There couldn't be a divinity in me because I was filled with anger and rage. There was no belief in a Higher Power because I felt that I couldn't trust someone who let me grow up the way I did.


Trust Him? No way. I despised Him. Everything that I learned as a child growing up in a Catholic home and going to a Catholic grade school, just reaffirmed my belief that this God of religion was not my Higher Power.

To this day, I speak of this God with some disgust. There isn't any fear in me to speak this way. Why should there be? Am I going to hell? Who knows, but it don't bother me, because it can't be any worse then the hell I've already endured.

Recovery opened my eyes and my soul, that there was a possibility to find a Higher Power outside the walls of religion and that of a book. I never thought of a Higher Power this way. It was new and I began to enjoy a journey with a new Friend.

And this new Friend, whom I chose to call Love, opened my heart and soul that by surrendering to His/Her Love life could be enjoyable, peaceful, and serene. And through this peace and serenity I began to see this divinity - His divinity - Her divinity - in me.

Now instead of receiving Love, I've been able to give Love. Love based on compassion, forgiveness, understanding, and yes some thanksgiving for my childhood.

Without that childhood I would have never had the type of relationship that I am thankful for with my Higher Power – Love.

These steps, also adapted from AA, were written by Patricia O'Gorman, Ph.D. and Philip Diaz, M.S.W., as part of their work with families, women, and youth in recovery.

No comments: