01 November 2009

Shyness

From A Day At A Time - We learn in the program that shyness is just another manifestation of self-centered fear, which is the root of all our character defects. Shyness, specifically, is fear of what others think or might think of us. To our enormous relief, our shyness gradually leaves us as we work the program and interact with others.


This is what we talked about last night at a meeting. And this one statement just jumped right out at me.

I grew up as an introvert. Very quiet and to myself. Then as I matured I just looked at it as being shy. I never really looked at it as a character defect. People that knew me - liked me.

It may take them awhile to know me but after they did then they figured I was OK.

But looking back on it now, I realize all the time and energy they gave trying to get to know me because my shyness was an obstacle to developing a serious relationship with anyone.

I've learned that I was shy because I didn't want anyone to see how flawed and defective I was. All I wanted them to see was a strong silent person, that basically was emotionless.

My shyness was a fear of being found out that I wasn't perfect. A fear that no matter how I presented myself, I was very insecure - and hurting - and lonely.

I'm still a pretty quiet person, but I'm not shy. My quietness today comes from faith that I'm OK just the way I am with all my flaws, because I'm still a work in progress...

1 comment:

PMFAddictionTreatmentCenter said...

Thanks for the post.
I too suffer that same character defect, but anyone who knows me today scoffs when I tell them I was once a very shy person. lol

I know for me it was about making a mistake. I needed to come across as the 'best little boy in the world.'