When I started a new life in recovery, I only set what seemed to be two simple goals.The first one was to have a boring life.I had my fill of drama and nightmares.Recovery has made my life anything but boring, though I still wish the real life drama would slow down long enough to get back on my feet.But I guess the only thing I can say is that its real and I thank God for recovery and the ability to handle these situations in a somewhat constructive way.
The second goal of mine was to never intentionally hurt someone ever again.To no longer make any plans to maliciously attack another human being whether that was spiritually, physically, or emotionally.
I'm grateful that those games of the past to hurt others has left me, but the key word here is intentionally.I have quit knowingly attacking people, but there are times where I unintentionally hurt someone and it hurts me.
Part of me says to take care of myself, but another part says that I need to be respectful and loving to all human beings whether they are in recovery or not.Awhile back, I hurt someone and did not realize it until it was too late.Thankfully, this person told me how I had hurt them.
I couldn't make excuses, they had a right to feel hurt, and it also hurt me.It wasn't intentional but it still hurt because I put my needs in front of another's.I know that might seem backwards to what I learned in recovery.But recovery isn't just about me, but it is about everyone that associates with me.
I cant ignore another persons feelings if I perceive it as beneficial to my recovery.There is a fine line between taking care of myself on one hand, while abusing someone on the other.
So while I haven't hurt someone intentionally I still battle with hurting others unintentionally.And while it is unintentional it still hurts me because it shows me that I still haven't totally learned to respect another persons feelings on their journey.
The last couple of weeks I unintentionally hurt a few people and it still stings.I made my amends and some were accepted, while others were ignored.But all of them still hurt the same because Im not quite as healthy as I thought I was.
Yes, Ive mastered the goal of not intentionally hurting another human being, but now I need to work on a new goal to not unintentionally hurt another human being.
Yeah, I'm still a work in progress